My liver just broke up with me...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
