His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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