I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
