Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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