Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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