The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
