Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
