i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
