shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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