That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
