cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
