I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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