It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize