A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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