My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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