I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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