Cold hands, warm shart.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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