I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize