the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
