im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
