OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
