i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
