How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize