My Higher Power is John Stamos
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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