I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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