I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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