I heard we made out
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
