just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
