There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
