So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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