I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
