What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
