We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
