My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
