How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
