Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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