i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
