i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
