omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize