I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
