Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
