You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He passed out mid-signature
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize