there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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