No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
