I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
