3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
