come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
