she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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