I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
