have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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