Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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