D3 body, D1 cock
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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