This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
