i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
