No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
