Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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