I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
