did you get engaged???
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
