we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
