i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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