I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
