he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
