some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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