video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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