Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
