id be glad to
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
