This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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